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Oahtmeal is a deadly drug and, supposedly, yummy treat that can't be beat. Not to be confused with Oatmeal, the common breakfast dish, Oahtmeal is considered highly addictive, mind-warping and deadly.

History

The history of Oahtmeal is shrouded in mystery. Some believe it has existed as long as mankind, but recent research suggests that it originated from Asia in the mid 1980's. Not much else is known about its past other than it finding its way to the U.S. and causing a estimated 10,000,000 deaths usually related to brain hemorrhages and other similar ailments. After this, it was filed as a schedule I narcotic, as it had 0 medicinal use beyond a violent and painful method of putting someone down. In recent times the drug has developed far less dangerous variants and many consider it a safe high these days.

Effects

There are 3 well known variations of Oahtmeal, all with widely varying effects.

Triumph

A character used to market Pink Guy 12.

Oahtmeal Variation #1 "Pink Guy 12": Pink Guy 12 (sometimes referred to as "1, 2, Oatmeal" or simply "Pink Guy") is a highly addictive drug that often leads to the user developing a heavy Germanic accent and coming to the understanding that Kirby, a popular Nintendo character and series, is, in fact, a pink guy and very cute. At the height of their high, users have consistent hallucinations that they "Swung the sword of King Dedede defeat..." and will often boldly claim it was a "triumph."

Oahtmeal Variation #2 "Siberian Swisher": Siberian Swisher is a popular variation of Oahtmeal as it is a mellow high and its effects are far more mild and well-researched. Its effects are often an increased gag reflex, causing some new users to spit the drug out, and a increase in emotional potency. Many users report remembering fond memories from their childhood.

Oahtmeal Variation #3 "Smelly Poo Poo Garbage, YUCK!": Smelly Poo Poo Garbage, YUCK! (often shortened to Smelly Poo Poo) is the most intense variation of Oahtmeal. Its side effects are numerous, but the most well documented are intense muscle spasms, primal rage, a feeling of absolute sexual ecstasy, a infatuation with potty humor, and violent outbursts at those who disapprove of said potty humor.

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